Going back to "real life"...

I had a great day today. I have an awesome group of kids this week for five days, which is a great way to end the season. They "Got Yoked" this morning, ate like whales this afternoon, and had an amazing Ultimate Double Dare Squid session this evening. I feel good about the way today went. I like days like this.

So I've been thinking more and more about the move back to Michigan. (Only 10 more days!)I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but I will miss living STEPS from the beach and I'm nervous about going back to "real life". Living here on the island is nowhere NEAR "real life". I'm moving back to Michigan to run a dance studio and move in with my boyfriend...which are all big committments and huge responsibilities. I'm ready, of course, but change always throws me off at first. I always need an adjustment period.

Surprisingly enough, I'm MORE concerned about moving in with Jerry than running the dance studio. I KNOW I can run the dance studio...my life has been leading up to this since I was 2 years old. I will be in control and am solely responsible for the success of the business. HOWEVER, in relationships, there is no guarantee. I'm in no way in control of Jerry's feelings or actions. It also takes two to have a relationship, which means we BOTH are responsible for its success. I'm not used to depending on others, I'm not used to committment, and I'm certainly not used to living with my boyfriend permanently. Sure, it may be awhile before we actually move in together, but even moving back and being in a "normal" relationship is something that we've never had. I've been out of the country for a month of our relationship and all the way across the U.S. for three and a half months of our relationship. We've only been dating for about five months...do the math. It's exciting, nerve wracking, intimidating, and refreshing, all at the same time. I don't know WHAT to feel, really.

Inundating myself with Blind Melon is all I can think to do right now. I want to spin in circles until I puke and curl up with the stars.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

I love my partner. I really and truely do. We've known eachother for years, have been dating since around Christmastime, and we'll be moving in together soon after I return to Michigan (in only two more weeks!).

But it's weird at times. We basically grew up together and didn't see eachother for six years...we got back into contact in December and have been together ever since. However, if you add up all the days we've seen eachother since we started dating...it would probably add up to only a month. Does that mean we WOULDN'T be ready for the next step in our relationship when I return? He says he's not, simply because we haven't spent enough time together. We've talked on the phone EVERY single day since I've been here...so it's not like a casual thing. We don't date anyone else. My feelings for him are, without question, stronger than any other person I've ever dated. When he and I met back up, I wasn't interested in a relationship, and neither was he, but something happened along the way that changed all that. Suddenly we were in love...it totally blindsided us.

I think because it happened so fast, he didn't really get used to the whole dating thing. He's never really been in a serious relationship like this before. Sometimes I find that he's incredibly insensitive, selfish, and immature. Other times, he's incredible. He shares his feelings, he showers me with compliments and loving words, and he'll randomly send sweet text messages. Being that I'm 2500 miles away, small things like that matter, but when I tell him I need these things to feel secure in our relationship, he gets defensive and upset. Sometimes I don't know what to do - being so far away has definitely put a strain on our relationship. Sometimes I literally hate myself so much because I know I'm hurting him and our relationship by being out here. I know that if I hadn't come back out here to California in February, our relationship would have progressed so much and we'd be so much further along in this process.

So I wonder what people think...do you HAVE to be in people's presence to really know them or to be able to grow in a relationship? Can a relationship progress if you're far away from one another?

Frankly, I'm extremely surprised that Jerry and my relationship has lasted. I figured he would get bored with the phone calls and the difficulty of the situation and bail. He didn't. This is how I know he loves me as much as I love him. It hasn't been easy and he stuck around. I didn't give up either...and that counts for something on my end too. I have a habit of being a bit of a flake, not following through with things. But I love him...and I wasn't going to let that go. Everyone here at camp never thought that Jerry and I would last...I wouldn't be surprised if there was a pool going (seems there are pools about everything here). They have every right to think that. In the past, I've been terrified of commitment...but with Jerry, it's different. I trust him with everything, I feel so connected, we have amazing chemistry, and we are HAPPY when we are together.

We are polar opposites, though. He's a meat and potatoes kind of guy...and I'm a vegan. He doesn't like to dance...and that's my life. He's a country boy...and although I grew up in the country, I'm much more of a city girl. He's a fast food junkie...I'm a health nut. I love swimming and water sports...and he's terrified of the water. He's very down to earth and logical...and I'm an idealistic space cadet. I love sports...he hates them. I like to read...and he's never read a book in his life. He knows a ton about fixing things...and I'm completely clueless. We don't even like the same music.

Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, doesn't it? Though it's hard at times, it sort of just...works.

I'll be home in just two short weeks...I can't wait to see where this all leads. I hope it leads to something really positive and wonderful. Nothing in my life has been easy...including this relationship, but I feel since we've gotten through this 3 and a half months of being away from eachother, we can get through anything.